To baldly go where no woman has gone before?

Well, another week has gone by.. nothing much to report for it. No little messages from the Universe. A week of treading water. Had my hair done again, gone a little more auburn, kept it very short still. The hairdresser said it seemed to have thickened a bit after its shearing and she was plotting about it getting a little longer then developing a side-fringy bit again to cover up “that bit you don’t like” meaning the baldish spot … not sure I want to go back to comb-overs, though. Nor am I sure about wigs. Part of me wants to defy that whole societal lunacy that says that women must be “beautiful”… just why is that, anyhow? So many of us strive for it, feel like we forever miss the mark, and end up thereby lacking in self-esteem because of physical “faults” against this mythical standard we cannot meet (makes it sound like a dog show), feeling afraid to get/look old too. Sometimes I am brave enough to go out and put my bald patch on parade, sometimes I cover with hats and scarves. Sometimes if I cover it up I feel that there is nothing wrong with trying to look “my best” and that it makes me feel good, sometimes I feel that by not going out “as I really am” I am letting the side down in failing to challenge the whole obsession with judging people by their looks. But then isn’t creativity with one’s own image a form of self-expression? I like scarves and hats anyhow.. I like a certain 70s boho vibe sometimes.  Could I perhaps cut myself a little more slack given that I am already contending with accepting myself as fat and infirm, and have more-or-less reached a point where I can say like me this way or lump it on those issues? Can someone who has up until recently been dying her hair all the vibrant colours of the rainbow and who plays ukulele and sings karaoke be accused of being that afraid of what others think of her anyhow?  This whole thing about image and self-image is very strange… animals like to groom themselves to keep healthy and clean and display their colours to attract a mate but we seem to have gone beyond that into a world of confusion.